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#Momguilt! Hands down! It’s the absolute worst part of parenting!
You see, our little ones don’t come with a manual attached. So, from day one, it’s a process of trial and error where being a mom is concerned. 😬🤪🤯
And to complicate things even further, what works for one child almost certainly will not work for another.
Normal rules do not apply, people!
Learn from experience?
Not where parenting is concerned, my dear readers!
Yet, in spite of this well-known fact, people will insist on being of the opinion that there is a right way (usually their way!) to parent, and if, God forbid, you don’t fall into line, we’ll, then, it’s…
An accusation that normally induces a bad case of #momguilt.
And even if we tell ourselves that we don’t care what ”they” think, we usually do because we’re thinking it too…
That we messed up, that we are terrible parents, that our poor babies will be forever doomed because of our failings, our inadequacies.
In short, we’ve fallen into the #momguilt trap.
And it is a trap because we’re punishing ourselves on the basis of our (and others’) emotional impulses as opposed to cold, hard facts.
The fact of the matter is that there is no ”right” way to parent, there are many ”right” ways to parent depending on the individual circumstances.
Shaming somebody for using a different parenting method to your own is much like shaming a pupil for using a different method to work out a sum.
In the grand scheme of things, does it matter which method is used as long as the result is the same, be it a correct answer in the case of Maths or a decent human being in the case of parenting? 💁♀️
Therefore, there should be no space in our lives for #momguilt.
But, most of us can’t turn off destructive emotions like a tap. 😬
It needs to be more of a 3-step process, like the one outlined below… 😊
1. Don’t apologise… ever!
The one thing that annoys me the most about my husband is that he rarely (if ever!) apologises.
But, on the other hand, I (begrudgingly) admire the fact that he has such unwavering faith in the wisdom of his decisions.
He has a choice, weighs it up and then, for better or for worse, goes with it and regrets nothing (at least, not openly! 😉).
And that is truly admirable because if we are steadfast in our decision-making process, there is no room for flip-flopping, guilt-tripping and ultimately #momguilt in our lives.
A bit like the lyrics of one of my all-time favourite songs from Irish band The Script, if you don’t ”stand for something, you’ll fall for anything”. 😮
For years, I felt bad about my decision to become a stay-at-home mom.
Even though I had carefully weighed up the pros and cons and decided that, ultimately, I had made the right decision for me and my little family, I struggled with strong feelings of ”being less than” when faced with the alternative.
Worse still, I allowed others to question the sense of my decision and heap the #momguilt upon my hapless head.
I even vaguely remember attempting to justify myself.
Have the courage of your convictions, folks!
And never ever say sorry for that! 🙅♀️
2. Forgive yourself
Now, as a parent, things will inevitably go wrong.
As much as we would like to, we can’t wrap our babies up in cotton wool!
There will be scratches, scrapes and in my own precious baby’s case, scars! 😭
Check out my Instagram post below for all the sad, sorry details…
View this post on Instagram
The not-so-glam side of parenting 👪 – we were all in the middle of a relaxing Sunday evening BBQ with the fam when Bam! Disaster strikes! 😨My toddler decides to leave the table for a little wander. So far, so good… until he trips over a mat and falls, head first, onto the edge of a tiled step. 😮😩😭 Lots of panicked screaming (and that was mostly just me!) ensues, followed by a trip to the local A&E, where after three hours of anxious waiting, my precious bundle was finally glued (literally!) back together. 🤕😬 They reassured us that, aside from a slight scar (😐 @biooiluk at the ready!), he should be fine! 😅He is now in bed, safe and happy. But I’m feeling rattled! It’s just so scary how life, and with kids especially, can go from calm to traumatic in an instant. 😢 Kiss your little ones tonight, as I will my little injured one, because they are just so, so precious… ❤️ #momlife #toddlerlife #lifeisprecious #serengel #opi #bethereinaprosecco #lovisa #biooil
But, as tempting as it might be to fall into the pit of #momguilt despair…
It’s best to accept the situation, learn from it if possible, forgive your human failings and move steadily onwards and upwards! ☑️
3. Put it all in perspective
Being a mom is a bit like being Wonder Woman; you’ve got to fight off a constant barrage of criticism without crumbling…
All while keeping umpteen plates spinning in the air as you play doctor, nurse, teacher, carer, confidente to your little brood.
We might not always manage to look as fit as the supermodel moms…
But, as long as we’re there for our little ones when they need us the most…
And as long as our babies grow up into decent kids and adults…
Until next time, my dear readers,
💋 Mostly Mum (who is not feeling a shred of #momguilt that she’s not a super-celeb-Mom like Kristen Cavallari)
*All gifs are via GIPHY.
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In the absence of a “built-in” parenting manual, these guides greatly helped me in my parenting journey ❤️
And in celebration of all the Mama Bears out there ❤️
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